Vulnerable Post Alert: Dig Up Your Past Without Having a Meltdown

I recently read the book Uninvited by Lisa TerKeurst and it was a game changer for the way I process my everyday thinking.  My sister told me about this book because she was reading it in her Bible Study. At first I thought to myself, “I don’t feel left out or lonely”, like the book description states, but it’s actually an overall encompassing piece around how small or monumental moments in life lead to ways of thinking and living. It’s a phenomenal read and I would recommend to anyone, regardless of what stage of life you are in.

I’ll share with you the key revelation I took away from this book, in hopes that maybe it will convince you to order it from Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

The thoughts you allow into your mind during times of conflict, confusion, rejection, or pain can lead to destruction in your future.

If you took the time to dig deep, especially in a moment that flares up anger or defensiveness, I believe you could nail down a trail of occurrences that gave you the same reaction.  Let’s be real; most of the time when you get upset or defensive, it’s because, to some degree, you believe you are truly viewed as the way that person made you feel; possibly even believing it yourself. To take it a step further, you may be able to trace back to what happened that lead you to believe this lie in the first place.

Let me give you an example.

When I was in middle school, my parents got a divorce. The outcome made me sensitive to the ideas that; 1. Love doesn’t last, especially if you have major faults. 2. Loyalty is difficult, so try your hardest to please others so they stay happy and loyal. 3. Vulnerability is perceived as weak and may force someone to run. 4. Resentment sticks.

All four of these false notations have, at times, utterly paralyzed me. It seems to happen when the realness of a relationship, friendship, or work relationship comes to light. Confrontation panics me. It makes my mind race with the “what ifs”.  Insecurity flares up. The thoughts I have are; “Will this lead to the end of the relationship/friendship? What can I do to fix it? How can we hold on? This will never get better after this”.  These thoughts conquer my mind in an extremely unhealthy way.

Even writing that made my heart sink a little. Why? Because at one point, I actually believed those lies in the deepest part of my soul.

However, after reading this book and practicing what I’ve learned to be true over the years from the Bible and counseling, I’ve gotten tremendously better at stopping these feelings/thoughts before they eat me alive. There is only one thing that I want to share.

  1. Biblical speaking: love is a covenant.
    • Finding the right spouse and friends will solidify this. These type of individuals are aware that loving well means loving unconditionally. And unconditional love includes accepting all the imperfections that come along with the person. It also means when forgiving someone, you are committed to throwing resentment out the window the second forgiveness is given. This doesn’t come naturally, because we are selfish by nature. Therefore, it is something which must be practiced and refined daily.  As cliche as the worn out 1 Corinthians 13:4-8  may be, it is by the Biblical definition; authentic love.  When you find a person who believes this as well, it will allow your walls to come down and anxiety will cease.
      • 1 Corinthians 13:4-8  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

My faith in God’s promises must outweigh my human nature to worry about being hurt in the future.  I’m far from mastering this and I assume you may be as well. Life is messy and it hurts sometimes. You will undoubtedly let others down and feel let down by them as well. We are human. We are not perfect, so loving perfectly is impossible. The key is picking yourself up, practicing what you know to be true and try your best to love like Jesus. Knowing this has given me the ability to, little by little, dissolve all the lies that were once ingrained in me. The more I seek to live like a follower of Jesus, the more capable I am to love like He does and allow myself, without hesitation, to be loved like He loves.





photos: Melissa Fay Photography




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A 33 year old Nashville female who loves Jesus and looks at life for what it is; messy and beautiful. After writing for Christian magazines and nonprofit blogs, Balanced Chaos came to life when she realized the world needed a raw dose of reality.

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